A lot of little things have been happening to me.
Like a lot of ants (perhaps thousands) making trails all over my room to reach one poor dead spider corpse i found under my bed.
Isn’t that a little bit of overkill???? Couldn’t they just send one little trail? Why several ant highways?? My room stank of ant death for the whole day. Heckuva way to start a morning…
But i promise many other occurrences have transpired this past week. last night it suddenly dawned on me that things could just be falling apart.
Took me about 12 hours before I could snap out of it and realized it was just an overhyped lie. Waking up to a room of ants didn’t help. But I realize that God is still working.
Better yet, as I find myself in places of success, God is showing me how insecure and weak I am without Him. I preached yesterday that satan tries to convince us that a) God doesn’t have a plan, b) even if he did have a plan, he can’t really bring it to completion c) Plus God doesn’t love you enough to do anything about it.
Jesus engages Satan and says a) God’s promise is enough b) God is able to do all things c) God relentlessly loves us.
It is ironic that these 12 hours of *blah* occurred right after I taught this all to a group of beaming students. I feel so insecure because I haven’t let my own sermon transform me. And God was reminding me what it feels like in the desert, and how enticing the world’s view of success is. I cannot be defined by my success, or lack of it, in my ministry. Instead, I must let myself be defined by God’s love, and for my success to be defined by that same love. It was a 12 hour desert (thankfully… i’ve been in much longer ones), and perhaps a 12 hour crossroads to really think about how I wanted to view my own success.
Would I let my success define me? Or would I let my success be defined by God’s unrelenting love for me?
Fresh breaths of air… and some sushi I treated myself to… and something clicked and I remembered. I am loved, and I don’t have to perform in anyway to earn it. It’s a good feeling.
And I must remember… they’re just ants anyways. Sure… a thousand of them… but they’re still small :). As organized as they are, they are no match for my can of extremely toxic and unhealthy can of Raid.