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Archive for October, 2008

Unfair

October 24, 2008 daniellui 3 comments

I went to a black gospel church today with one of my students (which was really awesome. It struck some chords that have not been struck for a while… but that’s for another entry). A conversation really caught me off guard. I told a guy I was living in Carlsbad. He laughed and told me he got close, but “they” won’t let him live there. I laughed, telling him how guilty I felt (which is usually my comedy line when I tell people where I live). We both agreed I should count my blessings, with plenty of laughter in between.

What’s funny is that as I was driving back home, and crossed highway 78 from Oceanside to Carlsbad, I really did feel guilty. It didn’t feel like a joke tonight. It might actually be reality.

But I remembered what the guy said to me- “count your blessings”.

Just be thankful, and live fully, love fully. Sometimes, though, it’s so hard to live in such a broken yet beautiful world. My dad used to tell me I had to just accept that the world isn’t fair (“The world isn’t fair, Daniel”, as i wondered why my sister got the cooler toy (ha don’t worry, i have no bitterness, charissa)). But sometimes I wonder if it was meant and created to be unfair…

How do I love people on both sides of the unfairness? How do I remain in between and retain my sanity? My identity must rest in God, He is the only one who can empower me to love the rich and the poor at the same time in a community where the rich and the poor live so near one another (almost literally like “across the train tracks…” except it’s a freeway). I feel like I have a rich mask and then a poor mask, depending on which part of the Tricity area I’m in (and it’s ironic my mom came from a rich family and my dad came from a poor family). But God rips apart the masks and reveals that my identity (and the members of this community’s identities) is not rested upon social standing, but upon his passionate and unrelenting love for all of them- rich or poor.

The sunset over the ocean that I can see from our giant windows… is so beautiful, but so broken, because only the priveleged can view it from where I live. I know I must not be swallowed by guilt, but the question still haunts me… Is this sunset worth it? How can I share it?

The San Diego Story

October 22, 2008 daniellui 1 comment

This is a video I made for our divisional fundraiser, Everyday World Changers.

It’s a great summary of what God has been doing not just in MiraCosta but in the entire San Diego county. It’s really exciting, and making the video kind of reminded me of how exciting it actually is to be working with IV in San Diego at this time. Anyways, enjoy!

Justice is not a trend

October 20, 2008 daniellui 2 comments

This has been really heavy on my heart lately. I’ve been wanting to preach this, but I’m abstaining from preaching a little to reflect on my rhythms and how my heart handles being on stage preaching (a followup entry on my bible throwing is due). But I think this needs to be said before I forget about it. I haven’t had time to organize these thoughts, so it will be a stream of conscious rant of sorts… I apologize to all the J’s out there who want clear organization. But it’s a brain-vomit night i suppose… ha.

Justice is not a trend. I feel this heaviness on me every time I see it at the churches I visit. I don’t know if I should be feeling excitedness that people are finally catching on to it all or if I should be mourning that justice is “mainstream”.

Justice attracts people into the church because it gives them the mission that their hearts have been yearning for- it is what we were created for. But I have seen these money drives, these promotions for movies and listing off of companies that support fair trade practices. The intentions are genuine and often so inspiring. In fact, it has been a joy to see so many churches step up to the challenge of justice. (so no, i’m not badmouthing churches… let me repeat- THESE ARE GOOD THINGS. ha.)

But all i see is a hollow shell sometimes. Yes. Justice is a challenge. JUSTICE IS A CHALLENGE. It’s NOT throwing money at poor people. My friend who was working in Africa was telling me that was actually more damaging than helpful for communities. It’s NOT charity.

My friend Lars totally transformed my view of justice during my second year of college. He was exegeting Isaiah 58 and I still remember him reading v. 7:

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

I remember his tearful plea that “share” was not just throwing money at people. It wasn’t just giving them your old clothes. It wasn’t just having these lofty ideals… but it is getting down and dirty. It’s letting the homeless stay on your couch as long as they need instead of just dropping a quarter in the jar. Justice isn’t just a nice gesture, a catchy phrase or a bait to draw people into the church. Justice is a commitment to relationship.

Justice is so difficult because it is not a call to a trend. I was talking to one of my students the other day, and she was telling me something along the lines of, “when my church started talking about justice, I thought it wasn’t that hard. But I realize that living a life of justice is so much harder. It’s almost futile and impossible to live it…”. It’s what Gary Haughen described as these extremes in our reaction to social justice issues between the polar opposites of paralysis and complacency. We are either paralyzed or cluelessly complacent.

What I am seeing these days of social justice as a trend are people getting rocked out of their complacency. They all of a sudden stand up and say “how can I act?” But then as they begin to act, they realize that injustice is not a mound of garbage, but a mountain of feces that they can barely begin to clean up. It turns into rage, then turns into hopeless tears, and then this silent paralysis.

So we settle to just giving money. Or signing a petition. We are overwhelmed by broken systems that we cannot change and find that they in fact are systems that we are part of, sustain us, and are engrained upon our psyches. So we find ways of coping with our intense guilt without having to rock us out of the systems that simultaneously destroy the world around us… but yet sustain us. That is charity- Finding ways to care without needing to fully engage.

Honestly, our care for justice issues remains identical to that of the world’s (sometimes they care better too) unless we realize that justice is not something we should be copying from the world. It’s not something from the world… it is in fact at the core of everything Jesus was about. But here’s where what Lars said is important. I find that our versions of justice become more about these huge issues, glorious campaigns, signed petitions and money drives. But in the end it’s so much simpler, but so much harder. It’s relationships.

Yes, we must keep the systematic perspectives in view, but the broken systems of injustice are dismantled, fiber by fiber, finger by finger of oppression…by redeemed relationship, one at a time. It is so much simpler, but harder. I remember my friend Amanda Jordan once read a poem to us during a bible study that brought the room into a silent somberness- I don’t remember the exact words, but it was written from the perspective of a homeless person, and he was saying something along the lines of, “When I hold my sign up, I’m not asking that you give me money… I just want somebody to look me straight in the eye and let me know that I am a human being.” Our redeemed relationships don’t just give us a new friend… they restore our humanity.

I welcome the prominence of social justice issues in churches. But I think what so heavily burdens me is… are they really willing to respond to the high calling of justice… or will they settle with the safely distant halfway-point of charity? Will they just keep going to the next trendy invisible children or call+response movie (both excellent movies, btw)? Or will they respond like how Pastor Jamie shared in his sermon today at Coast Vineyard- slowly washing out the maggots, the infection off of his homeless friend’s infected spider bite in a public bathroom until his friend felt okay going to a doctor?

Please don’t let justice just be another trend. I’ve seen it happen to many other great things (*coughworshipcough*). Trends hijack genuine movements of God into accessible, hollow shells of imitations. But here’s my theory: i think what seperates a cultural trend and a cultural movement is this: that a cultural trend sees the actions and stances of significant cultural responses by individuals… and copies them, forgetting about the essential heart of what formed those actions and stances. A cultural movement is something in which it is no longer the actions that are copied, but the heart and passion. From there, action flows out freely and creatively in new and unique ways. A trend is the spread of the outer look of discipleship. A movement is the virulent spread of a set of ideas and passions, expressed contagiously in diverse and creative ways.

And the heart of justice… the heart of God… is for relationship. (God as relational has so many more implications than justice too… but that’s for another post) So yes, keep signing your petitions (yes, they do work). Keep collecting money (yes, it still matters). Buy your fair trade coffee (really, it does help). But don’t forget that the foundation of all justice must be relationship. Lose that foundation, and it crumbles. If you are unwilling to make the sacrifice of relationship that we are called to engage in when we become Christians, our sacrifices and good intentions are but a “resounding gong” that has not the deep resonating, rumbling roar of love.

Okay. I’ve gotten my rant out.

Categories: Uncategorized

broken silence.

October 11, 2008 daniellui 4 comments

It’s much easier to condemn sinners when you are not actually in relationship with them.
I’ve stayed silent on this long enough. With a flood of people asking me why I’m silent when they have their campaigns to make moral laws, I suppose the silence should be explained. So here it is. I did not want to write this, because I feel I’ve written this hundreds of times already. People should know where I’m coming from and why I usually stay out of their conversations.

Stand for righteousness… but righteousness is nothing but coldhearted legalism unless it is done with love.

Love cannot be done from a distance. And love cannot be done through a law. Love requires a real relationship, friendship.

Our acts of righteousness must be built on firm foundations of relationship- with God AND one another. Before you try to fight and suffer for a law or a concept, how about first learning how to fight and suffer for the person this law affects?

you can vote yes or no on a law. Pray as hard as you can for whichever side you want to win… But in reality, I don’t think that’s what God’s primary concern is. When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus gives two instead of one (sneaky rabbi!). God desires that we love Him and we love others. You cannot love God without loving others, and you cannot love others without loving God. Two laws that are two sides of the same coin. Peculiar… laws. Laws are meant to be built on concepts of relationship and love. Gut out the relationship and love from law and righteousness, and all you have is an oppressive system of marginalization.

I’m not saying stay out of politics. I’m not saying to abstain from making righteous laws. I am saying that righteousness has its foundation in love, and if you do not know how to love those that deserve condemning, you really no longer have the right to condemn anymore.  You aren’t actually making a law- you are simply doing the easier thing- to hate. And no, it’s NOT A WAR. it’s PEOPLE.  Yes, it can still be considered a spiritual war of sorts, but don’t use this description of this all as a war just to distance yourself from the people these laws affect.

It’s easier to condemn a gay lifestyle when you haven’t actually made friends with a gay person.
It’s easier to condemn an illegal migrant worker when you’ve never actually sat down with one and learned about who he or she is.
It’s easier to condemn abortion when it’s not your friend who was raped and humiliated by a man that she thought she could trust.
It’s easier to condemn a beggar as somebody who will just buy drugs with your money if you haven’t just sat down with the guy and saw his humanity.
It’s easier to condemn racism when you yourself have been surrounded by people exactly like yourself your whole life and have never learned to love somebody different from yourself.

Yes, there’s a place for condemnation and judgement. But it should never give us joy. It should never give us a feeling of victory. I just did a bible study on Noah this week, and this one verse, describing God’s decision to wipe out mankind because of their wickedness, really messed me up:

“The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.”

What God had said just five chapters earlier as “very good” now filled His heart with grief and pain. You can really start to get the idea that this act of judgement sends tremors of grief throughout God’s being. When we condemn, there should be a gut wrenching pain in our hearts, because we know the price of such judgement and assertion of righteousness. If you don’t feel that pain, don’t condemn, because you don’t know the price of doing so.

The reason I am so silent and I don’t “speak out” against wickedness is because I feel a gut wrenching pain in my heart (or if I don’t feel it, I know I need it).This is not something I want to prove or say, although it is a stance I may just have to take. It’s not something I feel pride for, and it just makes me want to vomit everytime I see somebody have this look of pride and entitlement after they’ve made their proclamation of righteousness.

I’m not perfect at this either. But I’d rather be messing up in the blurry, gray tension between extreme love and righteousness than in a cut and dry lifeless judgement devoid of any love.

This was meant to be a one line rant. One of those ambiguous, passive aggressive, emo and deeply philosophical sounding statements that I think girls will swoon over. Because I thought we had grown out of this, and I didn’t need to say anything more than one line. But I discover that a lot is spilling out of my mouth lately (rather… keyboard strokes spilling out of my fingers). Maybe I’ve just not talked about this in too long.

But the one line perhaps would have been:

“Our standards of righteousness cannot define who or how we love. Instead, love must inform our standards and expressions of righteousness.”

Categories: Personal

Little things…

October 10, 2008 daniellui 1 comment
a stinking ant. grrr...

A lot of little things have been happening to me.

Like a lot of ants (perhaps thousands) making trails all over my room to reach one poor dead spider corpse i found under my bed.

Isn’t that a little bit of overkill???? Couldn’t they just send one little trail? Why several ant highways?? My room stank of ant death for the whole day. Heckuva way to start a morning…

But i promise many other occurrences have transpired this past week. last night it suddenly dawned on me that things could just be falling apart.

Took me about 12 hours before I could snap out of it and realized it was just an overhyped lie. Waking up to a room of ants didn’t help. But I realize that God is still working.

Better yet, as I find myself in places of success, God is showing me how insecure and weak I am without Him. I preached yesterday that satan tries to convince us that a) God doesn’t have a plan, b) even if he did have a plan, he can’t really bring it to completion c) Plus God doesn’t love you enough to do anything about it.
Jesus engages Satan and says a) God’s promise is enough b) God  is able to do all things c) God relentlessly loves us.

It is ironic that these 12 hours of *blah* occurred right after I taught this all to a group of beaming students. I feel so insecure because I haven’t let my own sermon transform me. And God was reminding me what it feels like in the desert, and how enticing the world’s view of success is. I cannot be defined by my success, or lack of it, in my ministry. Instead, I must let myself be defined by God’s love, and for my success to be defined by that same love. It was a 12 hour desert (thankfully… i’ve been in much longer ones), and perhaps a 12 hour crossroads to really think about how I wanted to view my own success.

Would I let my success define me? Or would I let my success be defined by God’s unrelenting love for me?

Fresh breaths of air… and some sushi I treated myself to… and something clicked and I remembered. I am loved, and I don’t have to perform in anyway to earn it. It’s a good feeling.

And I must remember… they’re just ants anyways. Sure… a thousand of them… but they’re still small :) . As organized as they are, they are no match for my can of extremely toxic and unhealthy can of Raid.